Companions

Six years ago my very dear friend bravely decided to disclose her abuse to me. She had kept it hidden for over four decades!  I had no idea whatsoever that she was carrying this unbearable pain. I was shocked and saddened by the revelation and I was desperate to do whatever I could to help her, and offer sexual abuse victim support.

My friend decided that she wanted to use what happened to her to help other survivors and that’s how if Only… came about.

I want to be involved in helping to spread the message of HOPE to all survivors. For survivors to know that they are not alone and they deserve to heal. I am privileged to be a trustee for if Only…

As more survivors are courageous and share their stories, we can make changes that can help prevent these atrocities from happening in the first place. At the same time, I believe that society has a duty to provide more support for adult survivors.

I would like to share our story to help inspire people and bring about much-needed changes in our current mental health services, and inspire others to become sexual abuse victim support companions.

Karen

• Standing with Survivors means many things, but what many of us fail to realise is that they are very simple things.
• Being with them to listen to their story, and to encourage them to speak their truth and find their own voice.
• Being willing to be a bridge between a Survivor and the healing that they deserve.
• Being willing to have uncomfortable conversations to help raise awareness.
• Being able to offer a safe space and the opportunity and support they need for their healing journey to begin.
• Being able to listen without judgement.
• To remind them that there is a unique beauty in the broken and an extreme power to be gained in them taking back their own.

It can be hard to know how to support someone close to you who is a survivor of sexual abuse, but there is a lot you can do to help.

Please remember, however, that the work of recovery has to be done by the survivor. You can’t do the healing for them, but there are things that you can do to help make their healing a little easier and be a sexual abuse victim support companion.

When a survivor discloses their story to you they will often suffer new trauma if you do not respond in healthy and helpful ways.

A negative reaction can be extremely damaging for a survivor.

Most survivors have remained silent, often never speaking about their abuse but instead keeping it to themselves for years. It takes a huge amount of courage for a survivor to open up about what happened to them, and this must be acknowledged. Showing them appreciation for their bravery in beginning to face their memories is invaluable.

Please remember that sexual abuse creates very serious problems with trust for survivors. This is due to the fact that in most situations the perpetrators are people the survivor knew and trusted.

If they have opened up to you it shows that they must trust you, which is quite incredible, therefore it is important to continue to maintain and build that trust.

Your aim as their companion/supporter is to help them allow themselves to heal from their past abuse by making good and positive choices, while all the time remembering that you can’t heal for them but you can make their journey easier.