For the Hope of it All

Sometimes you’re just living for the hope of it all,
Hope that you’ll rise instead of fall,
Hope that your days will get brighter,
Hope that the load will get lighter.

Sometimes you’re just living for the hope of it all,
Hope that you’ll walk instead of crawl,
Hope that the road gets easier to travel,
Hope that the turmoil starts to unravel.

Sometimes you’re just living for the hope of it all,
Hope that someone will answer your call,
Hope that someone will be by your side,
Hope that someone will be your guide.

Sometimes you’re only living for the hope of it all,
Because the hope is what helps you stand tall,
Hope that one day life won’t be so tough,
But for now, living for the hope of it all, is enough.

Lorna

I know fear

I know fear
It’s all around us
Every waking moment of everyday
It’s the light that hits your eyes
As soon as you wake
A bottled smell of the environment
You were once fearful of
It sweeps you off your feet
Like a hurricane of emotion
Beating against your body
It’s unforgiving
But it’s real
And in desperate times
It can be all we feel

Emily

Sometimes

Sometimes my mind runs back to the darkest of memories
The putrid smell of all that surrounded me
I hold myself still
Gasping for air as my past unfolds
It’s desperation for it to end
That feeling makes my skin crawl
To stay or to leave
My mind becomes shrouded and overwhelmed
It’s like time stops
The hands on my watch pause
I become trapped and buried
Hurting to my core
It’s endless fear of what will never be explained
That’s what happens
It’s back again and I’m lost

Emily

Some Things Never Change

The feelings of fright and the anxious thoughts, some things never change.
The memories and flashbacks that haunt your mind, some things never change.
The terrible shame and the guilt that you carry, some things never change.
The overwhelming sadness and feeling that you can’t go on, some things never change.
The pain and the scars so visible everyday, some things never change.

BUT

You are and always have been worthy, some things never change.
You are and always have been enough, some things never change.
You are and always have been kind, some things never change.
You are and always have had an amazing inner strength, some things never change.
You are and always have been courageous, some things never change.

Shelley Jane 

After all these years

And even after all these years
I still weep
It’s my way of grieving for her
That little girl I once was
On the darkest of nights
When I’m alone
That feeling of sadness creeps back in
It’s a gentle reminder of where I came from
The years of keeping an untold secret
The fight I have faced to become whole again
Sometimes it takes every bit of strength
To stop myself from falling again
Yet, I keep fighting
Because those feelings stem from memories
They are just memories
That don’t belong with me anymore

Emily

From the heart

From the heart of each flame
I feel absolutely everything
But merely the smallest clasp
Will hold me there
And just like dust it disappears
Until I’m left with nothing
I can’t feel
Clarity slips away from my hold
I grasp onto anything
But just like that; I’m defeated
My face wears a mask
I did not know I harboured still
Be kind
Because as I lose myself
Kindness may be the only magic
That saves me

Emily

The Fight

The voices in my head keep telling me I’d be better off dying,
But don’t worry, I know they are lying,
I have fought through life with all of my might,
So I will not let the voices in my head win this fight.

Constantly living with the shame,
Always feeling like I am to blame,
All the result of being abused,
A child who should never have been used.

It feels like people would rather get rid of me,
I guess it’s easier than being there to support me,
Easier than helping me to alleviate the stress,
Making me feel even more worthless.

But carrying on will not be in vain,
Alone through all of the hurt and the pain
I will continue the fight to survive,
Fight every single day to stay alive.

Because I know I deserve to be alive,
To live a life where I get to thrive,
One where I finally get to be ME!
One where I am finally happy and free.

Lorna

Living

I always feel like I’m living
In a half remembered dream
Where fragments of my memories
Strangle my self esteem
No clarity in my emotions
Which often I can’t express
Stealing any belief I have
I’m broken and depressed
The flashes I experience
Whilst being beaten down by words
Hidden behind the pain I feel
I am silenced and unheard
It’s always been this way
A revolving battle I face
Sometimes I just surrender
Leaving me feeling such disgrace

Emily

Survivor

A child not knowing what it was like to grow up feeling safe,
Always having to act strong and put on a brave face,
If only people could have seen past the disguise,
Then they would have seen the true story hidden behind her eyes.

Everyday she prayed for affection,
Creatively invented different ways to seek attention,
All of her attempts were cruelly denied,
Making her feel completely dead inside.

A lifeless soul walked around,
Feeling like she’d be better off buried in the ground,
A child just wanting to be saved,
To be shown the love and affection that she always craved.

Feeling like she was all alone,
Everyday she struggled to carry on,
She continued to rise, refused to fall,
She continued to live in spite of it all.

Lorna

Who is me?

Am I the old me?
The me I am now?
Was I me when they hurt me?
Am I the me with the scars?
Or is that the me that I’ve made?
Are the feelings I feel real?
The me that I am can’t feel happy and relaxed, because
The me I am is constantly filled with worry, fear and dread
The me I am is unable to carry on and has been desperately fighting to
The me I am is so tired and unable to keep going, but the me I am
Can’t even get that right.
So sadly the me I am, the one filled with sadness and worry, fear and guilt, is still here
The me whose heart unfortunately still beats until I try again to make it stop

Hannah